Now for the news

Still no comments working on the blog but I am getting closer to having that fixed. I am sure today’s post will spawn a few emails of cheering and disgust which I love equally by the way.

This time of year the black Dodge is the vehicle I spend the most time in. Luckily for me and those who have to listen to my views and opinions the radio in that pickup has some problems. The radio will not work at all on AM which keeps me from listening to most talk radio which is probably a good thing for my blood pressure. It also saves Festus from having to listen to my thoughts on the problems with politics and this country in general. The problem with the radio is the button that you push to change from AM to FM does not work well. The radio has been stuck on AM for about a month and no amount of punching, hitting with fencing pliers or copious amounts of WD40 sprayed on it has let it change to FM. Today as I was bouncing across some cornstalks I hit the perfect bump and the radio switched back to FM. It will continue to stay on FM and have audio until I either accidently touch the select button or until I hit another bump that jars it back to the silent AM side.

Even though I like music of many types as usual today I was jumping around the dial and found two stations that were mostly news and opinion. Lately I have been basically trying to ignore the news because most of it just gives me negative feelings and generally pisses me off but today I decided to try the news once again. I jumped back and forth between these two stations and alternated between smiling and laughing to total disgust and anger depending on the story, the slant with which it was presented, and the opinions of the “experts” interviewed about the stories. I decided to choose three stories and see if I could make my own opinion to each one being that I am pretty much an “expert” at everything. I also decided that I would only try and focus on the side I found amusing or that made me smile. I was not going to let negativity rule me today.

The first story was about Tiger Woods and a scheduled press conference tomorrow to discuss his past, his future and apologize for his behavior. He will not be taking any questions (imagine my surprise). I can’t blame him for that but I would like to know how you have a wife and 14 girlfriends and did not end up in an insane asylum instead of a “sexual rehab clinic”. I am sure there will be a huge media circus over this and people will be dying to hear what he has to say. I will not be tuning in for many reasons; he does not owe me an apology, I already know too much about his past and could careless about his future. If you want me to tune in show me video footage of his wife chasing him with a 9 iron the night she found out about his harem. Show me some footage of his apology to her and his children or some video of his time being “rehabilitated sexually” that would be something I would pay to watch, tomorrows staged melodrama is ridiculous.

The second story was about the city of Seattle banning smoking and tobacco products from city parks (yes seriously). As I filled my lip with Copenhagen and spat on my floormat I listened intently to the gripping story. The powers that be did however decide that outlawing spitting itself was too heavy handed. Thank God for that because even the most prim and proper non tobacco using female has to hock a yellowgreen loogie now and then. My first thought is this is retaliation for people being able to bring guns into the parks which they previously tried to outlaw but had overturned. Surely if those assault weapon wielding rednecks can’t smoke or chew they will stay out of the park is the thinking I guess. Luckily smoking will only get you a one day ban from the park but under the new rules illegal drug use, selling drugs or assault could get you banned for up to a year. I am so glad this is going to happen, I would hate for the heroin addicts and homeless to be exposed to second hand smoke outdoors. One lady who called in support of the new rules said she feared for the lung health of her dog when she walks him in the park ( yes seriously you cant make crap like that up). I immediately checked Festus to make sure the second hand spit he has been exposed to has not produced any tumors in his lip. Luckily he had no tumors but his breath reeked of what I guess is the smell of canine testicles.

The third story was about Amy Bishop the University of Alabama professor of anger management and her murder of three colleagues and attempted murder of 2 more. One of the “experts” interviewed said there was really nothing to warn people ahead of time about this terrible tragedy. This is when I lost it and shut off the news. No warnings, are you freakin kidding me? Let’s see, she “accidently” killed her brother in 1986, she also “accidently” shot a wall before shooting her brother and shot the ceiling after shooting her brother. She met and fell in love with her husband in a Dungeons and Dragons club in college. She was questioned in the attempted bombing of one of her professors back in 1993. She was charged with assault and battery in 2002 for punching a woman because the woman got the last booster seat at the International House of Pancakes. It does not say if Bishop ordered the “Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity” breakfast or the “Harvest grain and nut pancakes” with extra nuts, a lot of extra nuts. Despite all of this the “expert” claimed there were no warning signs. Maybe some can dismiss these things but one thing cannot be ignored. Reports say she was a far left political extremist and was obsessed with Obama. Well if that does not chime the cuckoo clock. If that is not a warning I do not know what is. I wish I had television so I could watch Keith Olberman puke on Rachel Madcows flannel work shirt over this bit of news. I am sure I have now lost half my viewers, thanks to the remaining four people for staying.

Today’s real environmentalist species found on the ranch is nutgrass aka Cyperus rotundus.

Today’s picture is bull calf number 0902g and his mother 4902g. He is my new favorite of the 2010 spring calves.