Friday, February 19, 2010

Hotter than a coon dog on a bare leg

Today was just an awesome day. I really cannot think of anything that did not go as planned. There were also a few nice surprises throughout the day which really made life interesting and fun. The first thing I did this morning was return the Cat loader I had borrowed yesterday. It was about 33 degrees and there was a north wind. The trip was about 8 miles and top speed was going to be around 10 mph. I did have a full mug of coffee and my coveralls on so I was pretty confident I would survive. The trip was cold none the less and when I got to my destination I was glad to start the pickup and get the heater going.

As I waited for the heater and the engine to warm I started thinking about different sayings I have heard over the years related to how cold something is. I am sure many of you have heard “colder than a witch’s tit” and many others have probably heard “colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra”. The best twist on this I have ever heard was my 5th and 6th grade little league coach who used to say, “Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra on the shady side of an iceberg.” I decided to spend some time finding the origins of this saying online this evening.

The saying itself is from the 1600’s and was basically related to the fear of witch’s and Satan and their followers at the time. The articles were interesting but basically boring so I will not numb your mind any further with the details. What I did find in my research was several other sayings related to cold that I found amusing and hopefully useful for the future. One was the “colder than a well drillers ass” which I had heard in the past but now know the origins from back in the day when wells were hand dug. The best one I found was, “colder than Rudolph’s balls in a headwind!” I decided to make one up myself today and I decided that “colder than Elin Woods’s bed on Thanksgiving evening” might work.

I then started thinking of other sayings that would fit something in the day. I tried using my loader tractor in a bit of a different way today to load the hay bales onto my flatbed. I had stacked them flat and wanted to see if I could get underneath them with the bucket and not have to use the forks. Well it worked pretty well, in fact it worked slicker than eels breeding in a bucket of snot. As I went out to feed the yearlings today one of the family’s favorite cows had a new calf with her. This cow is chocolate brown and usually has black calves. Today she had a beautiful gray heifer calf with her. The calf is prettier than melted butter on a stack of hotcakes. This is much better than a woman I saw in town yesterday who was uglier than the east end of a horse headed west.

As I finished feeding I noticed another cow that is babysitting the yearlings was not with the group. “Rabbit ears” is an old Brahma cow that I reluctantly kept one more year at the kid’s insistence. I do not know exactly how old she is but she was a calf when Moses wore short pants. I found her alone at the far east end of the home place pasture with a long eared light yellow heifer calf that looks just like her. I will get a picture of her to post tomorrow. I did not tell Dakota about either new calf but tonight we made a drive through the pasture on the ruse that I needed to check on a calving cow. When I shone the spotlight on Rabbit ears and her new baby Dakota was as grinning like a cat eating crap out of a hairbrush.

Today’s real environmentalist species is the white tailed jack rabbit aka Lepus townsendii.

Today’s picture is calf number 0801w and her mother 5801w. Notice how mother and child have matching muddy legs from crossing a ditch.