Monday, January 11, 2010

Psychic Powers

I have always been intrigued and fascinated by the unexplainable and the paranormal. You know things they say exist but the evidence is sketchy. UFOs, ghosts, Bigfoot, and high calf prices are examples, things you hear about but are still skeptical as to their actual existence.
I read quite a bit in the winter and I am currently reading a book about tapping into your inner psychic powers. One of the experts in the book said you can actually become psychic and see the future with some education and practice. Well I studied his ideas in depth but even with the tools he shared I was getting no where with this mind expanding thing .

This psychic said you had to become more aware of your surroundings and watch for signs. He also said that your ability to gain psychic powers will likely come out of nowhere and when you are not expecting it. There was a whole chapter in the book about inducing your mind into a state that would open it up to the realm of all seeing and all knowing. One of the suggestions was the ingesting of psychedelic mushrooms to make you "trip" thus freeing your mind from all the constraints of daily life. This was sounding more exciting and the possibilities seemed endless. He did however have a warning about the dangers of attempting such a feat but it seemed to me about as dangerous as a "watch for ice on bridge" sign on a July day. Still, for weeks I saw no "signs" and did have some reservations about the potential dangers. That all changed today.

I went into town today for a few assorted supplies and I timed it so I could have an excuse to eat lunch at my favorite bar/cafe/community gossip center. As I entered my eyes went to the board with the daily lunch special. Oh my gosh, I was overwhelmed all at once and could hardly wait to place my order. The waitress brought me my usual ice tea and asked what I was going to have. "The special", I said with great vigor and a knowing smile. She headed back to the kitchen and I sat anxiously waiting for my mushroom burger. Now granted I had no idea if the mushrooms would be psychedelic or not but little details like that were not going to deter this future psychic from his experiment.

I ate my lunch, paid my bill and headed out into my new world of potential vision. I particularly got excited when I tripped walking out to my pickup, this was happening exactly as the expert had predicted! As I drove out of town I was following a blue haired lady in what I believe was a '67 Buick LaSabre. Right away she tests my ability to see the future by causing me to slam on my brakes as she came to an abrupt stop waiting to make a left turn. Apparently she expected my new found powers would warn me and there was no reason for her to use a turn signal. The first vision was of me at Midas brake center crying over a huge bill. I went to honk my horn in displeasure but no sound was emitted. It was at that moment that I had more of a flashback that a vision of the future. It was an October night and I was removing the fuse to the horn to replace another so I could have taillights on the stock trailer before I left the sale yard.

I made it back to the ranch and went to feed yearlings. My first vision was to pull the pickup close enough to use jumper cables on the loader tractor. I also saw a vision of the future purchase of a new battery and battery cable for the tractor. That vision was kind of blurry so I guess that means it is not in the near future, I really do not know. With all this new found power I decided I was maybe ready for the big time and I should make a few predictions about the future.

My youngest daughter will turn 13 soon and her birthday always makes me feel old. I do predict though that over the next 2-3 years her and I will have a few disagreements over boys and assorted other items. This was really getting easy now the visions and ability to see the future was just pouring from my mind! I made a few other predictions based on my visions before the 'shrooms wore off. I will share a few that I have for the year 2010.

1. The price of hay and corn will be higher than I want it to be in 2010
2. The price of cull cows and calves will be lower than I want them to be in 2010
3. I will embarrass my wife and kids in public at least once in 2010
4. The vast majority of my calves born in 2010 will be black hided
5. I will pay little or no income tax in 2010
6. I will drink more beer and whiskey than I should in 2010
7. I will yell at my dog a few times in 2010
8. I will yell at my neighbors dog a few times in 2010
9. I will cuss the Federal government at some point in 2010
10. I will eat more mushroom burgers in 2010

Today's real environmentalist species is mushroom, several kinds in eastern Washington state.


Dick Coon said...

Outstanding, but remember that it is a fine line between a vision and a hallucination!

Angus said...

This is pretty funny Lar. I think that my psychic abilities gave me the same vision as you for 2010.