Thursday, January 28, 2010

Fly,fly away

I am posting today from San Antonio Texas at the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association NCBA convention. Yesterday after 2 delayed flights we made it here about 1 am this morning. A wakeup call at 5 a.m. and now we are loaded with coffee and up and running. What a great venue to meet fellow beef producers from all across our great country. I will talk about convention tomorrow, today is about yesterdays travel and airports.

I just love airports; you really get to see a great cross section of America. I have mentioned before how I just love watching people. I don’t know if it is my own twisted mind adding little innuendos and comments or if people in general are amusing to watch. One thing I love about airports is the amazing diversity of people. One thing I try to do when watching people is to determine their religion by their dress, actions or general demeanor. I must first say I have nothing against religion and think it is up to each and every person to determine what prophet or ideology they so choose. When I see people and determine they are of some specific religion I will try and interject myself in some way that can add to my general amusement as a cure to what I call urban boredom.

One thing you do not see around home but I always see in airports is someone of the Hindu faith. I usually make this determination based on the red dot on their forehead or their calf scours orange clothing. Most Hindus are from India which is confusing in itself. When Americans talk of “Indians” they usually think of Native Americans. Some people will ask, “Indian feather or Indian dot?” to make the separation. I once bought some black licorice Dots on an Indian reservation in South Dakota and I am sure there are feathers in New Delhi so I do something a bit different. I ask, “Indian card dealing, unlimited gill net salmon salesperson or cobra charming person that worships Brahmas?” This seems to be a more apt description from a cowman point of view. I once saw a Hindu in a calf scours orange dress dealing with two hungry children in the Las Vegas airport. The mother explained to the children that they did not have the extra money to buy expensive food in the airport. Being the Samaritan and beef promoter that I am I purchased each of the kids a cheeseburger Happy Meal from the McDonalds in the airport and offered them to the children. I am not really sure why but their mother did not seem to appreciate my generosity. I was very happy though as I watched Tafzil and Daksha devour their flattened ground beef sandwiches and played with their Toy Story figurines. I mean really you are afraid of eating beef but will play a flute for a front row cobra….hmmmm.

The next religion I pick out is the Hasidic Jews. My main concern with them is wondering if those flat brimmed black hats are made by Resistol or Stetson. I also am curious if the lack of pork in their diet causes abnormally profuse facial hair growth. I think maybe I could be one of them but as I contemplate that thought with some Canadian bacon Pizza from Sbarro it just does not seem to be they path for me.

I will say again I hold no ill will towards any religion but often in an airport you see the fundamentalists of each and every faith. I was in Denver once when a lady wearing a massive cross around her neck and a “Jesus Saves” T shirt approached me. She smiled at me and asked, “Have you come to know Jesus?” I immediately replied to this nice woman, “Yes I do know Jesus, I also know his brothers Juan and Jose and if you ever need some post holes dug or sheetrock hung I highly recommend them.” She kind of frowned and walked away making me think she was racist against Hispanics. Later I was confused as I saw her purchase a Baja Chalupa and a soft taco supreme with some fire sauce at the Taco Bell vendor so who knows.

The religion that concerns me the most are the Muslims. I can’t really blame Muslims for being angry. Just listen to that music (ahahhhhahalallllahooooballawallahalla repeated over and over) and tell me you would be able to resist the urge to put a bomb on your flatbed and driving into some embassy. If we would export some Porter Waggoner and Kid Rock to them I am sure their mood would change. I am just naturally suspicious of any religion offering 72 virgins as salvation for martyrdom. I have been around virgins and I find them a bit too clingy and not very open minded in my opinion but that’s just me. Give me a religion with a 40 year old queen of the trailer park with and a T-top Trans Am if you want me to strive for religious excellence. Just sayin. Another thing that bothers me about Muslims is their choice of headgear. Think about this conversation and tell me if it is not suspicious in your mind. Khadim says to Ghalib, “Ghalib come with me to pick out a new hat.” Ghalib replies, “Khadim, I do not want to drive clear across town to the Bed Bath and Beyond!”
I said in my first post I might offend a few people here, hopefully I did not make anyone too offended today.

Today’s real environmentalist species found on the ranch is the Western painted turtle aka Chrysemys picta.

Today’s picture is of some spring caving cows out on cornstalks because the kids have my camera and pictures but I had this in an email I sent.