Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Goin Postal

I got up early this morning and headed to Sunnyside to meet a few fellow Cattlemen’s executive committee members. We met with the Washington Dairy federation board to get their input on possibly increasing our beef promotional assessment. I stopped in Basin City on the way and dropped off “Chocolate milk” a steer we had been feeding out for ourselves. After the meeting I traveled back to Pasco and picked up some vet supplies for this weekend.

As I traveled home today I saw a friend and fellow cattleman along the road near his corrals. I needed to chat with him anyway so I stopped and found out he had some heifers to gather and haul. Even though it added some time to my commute home I did get a chance to try out my new cattle rattle paddle. Then it was decided since it was on my way home and since all the heifers could fit in my trailer I would haul them for him. That was not a problem because we often trade back and forth helping with gathering and cattle working days. I really love that about country people in that they help each other out when needed.

As I traveled today I heard a news item about something else that needs some help. Our US Postal service is broke yet again and needs help. They are already considering cutting Saturday service and say that may not even solve the money problems. I think I can totally solve their money problems and actually make the post office somewhere people want to go. I am only suggesting these things because in the country spirit I like to help.

The first thing is their main product sucks. Now I know great aunt Bertha still likes to send her birthday cards via the postal service but that is so slow and inefficient in today’s world. Why doesn’t the postal service get with Hallmark, Hewlett Packard and Microsoft and do this. Set up computers in the post office where aunt Bertha can send an Ecard for half the price of what she pays now for one damn stamp. She will be sending Ecards all over hells half acre and never be the wiser that there are free Ecards online.

The next thing to do is get more efficient employees. By the looks of most of them I am sure that 99% will need to be fired. Don’t worry though because we are going to hire twice as many people back with that same amount of money. Instead of having some non personality 55 year old woman working the counter at $20 an hour with benefits we are going to replace her with 2 Hooters girls at $10 an hour and they can use their tips for benefits on their own. Now you try telling me that most men wouldn’t mail more cards and letters to their wives and girlfriends if they could get some fried pickles and a cold beer while waiting in line? Plus the added benefit of viewing shiny pantyhosed legs, orange shorts and, and, and I was going to say whatever colored tops Hooter girls wear but for some reason I have never noticed what color they are. I do however know they are low cut. Now I dare any man to tell me one particular about the current post office uniform. Yeah exactly.

Candi and Bambi can also help in other ways at the USPSHooters. I looked online at what they had for stamp choices at the current time. Now really, who would rather see stamps with ten different designs of Kelp forests, or would you rather see 10 Hooters girls from say the Thief River Falls Minnesota post office. I thought so. Now, people may be concerned about the drinking at the post office and then driving home. I have that covered already. No matter who comes in, no matter how drunk they get, we know that sometime in the next 24 hours a jeep or van will be driving by at least their mailbox. They should be able to walk the rest of the way home after getting their ride.

I think there are all kinds of ways I am sure other business could be brought in to help as well. I would think a Starbucks could do a brisk business at a post office given the normal lines and service times. We will go ahead and shutdown Saturday mail service but the Hooter girls who want overtime can work in the parking lot washing cars for tips on the nice days. I do have one concern however. Some of those old crabby ladies that once worked the front counter may not be too happy about my changes. For this reason I think we should forgo putting a guns and ammo store in close proximity. I would however suggest each post office have qualified mental health professionals on hand, you know, just in case. Just think, neither rain, nor sleet, nor 38DDs will keep us from our appointed rounds.

Today’s real environmentalist species is Showy milkweed aka Asclepias speciosa.

Today’s picture is calf 0502w getting a bath from his mom.